Directed by: Nicole Holofcener
Written by: Nicole Holofcener
Starring: Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Tobias Menzies, Michaela Watkins, Arian Moayed, Owen Teague
Rating: [4/5]
As compared to everyone else in your life, the biggest supporter in whatever you try to achieve should be your partner. The person with whom you share the same bed, possibly the same DNA if you end up having a child, and dreams. However, the line where support and honesty can get quite blurry when the partner does not necessarily like the work, which we see happen in You Hurt My Feelings. By delving into this dramatic moment in a couple’s life, it opens up a great conversation about how difficult it is to walk this blurry line.
In her attempt to release her first fictional book, Beth (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) has difficulty in getting traction with her agent. Assured by her husband Don (Tobias Menzies) that he likes what she wrote, Beth overhears a conversation where he says the complete opposite thus shattering her trust in everything he has ever told her.
Leave it to Nicole Holofcener to delve into an intimate and emotional subject matter and handle it all with a sense of grace through brilliant pieces of dialogue. This feature takes the idea we may all find innocuous as we navigate through our everyday lives, but she puts up a magnifying glass to this particular issue and it sincerely releases something incredibly potent because of the importance it carries in the human spirit. It balances the distinct importance of relationships built on trust but also where support and honesty intersect with each other.
As we all know, anything that someone puts a significant amount of time into contains meaning to that individual but of all professions, writers, and their creations create this relationship because it carries a piece of them. Heck, even for myself and writing these reviews I build this connection because it signifies me sharing my feelings on the movies I love. With Beth writing this novel, she undoubtedly puts pieces of herself into it, which makes it difficult if others don’t care for it. Beth had Don read the manuscript and received the reassurance that at least one person likes what she poured her heart into and created. Learning he just said these kind words to placate her instead of sharing the truth makes the honesty come with that extra sting reverberating throughout the rest of the feature.
We, therefore, have the reality of whether it would be better to be brutally honest or unconditionally supportive. Or you could also define what it means to actually support your partner and whether lying to them to protect their feelings does them any good. We get all of these issues interwoven together through a very comedic story overall really digging into these relationship dynamics because this not only occurs with this married couple but also in the way they treat their adult son. Watching a feature like this out in theaters feels like such a breath of fresh air. One of those films made distinctly for adults and especially those in serious relationships where it has these incredibly difficult conversations but with real care.
Leading the way in this is the always-great Julia Louis-Dreyfus and she simply knocks it out of the park in her portrayal of Beth. She well and truly handles the hurt involved with this situation so incredibly well. Thinking back on the inciting scene where she overhears the conversation, you feel the hurt and the pain pulsating through her. Holofcener in collaboration with Louis-Dreyfus well and truly nail how this feels like an anvil dropping directly on her chest as the realization of this horrible lie held by her husband becomes shows its ugly self right in front of her. Such a devastating moment and really sets up what the rest of the film will delve into.
As Beth and Don encounter this issue in their relationship, it allows the other characters in the film to also think about it through their perspective. This particularly occurs with Beth’s sister Sarah (Michaela Watkins) and how she lies to her own husband Mark (Arian Moayed) about his career as an actor even when she thinks he’s not very good. It presents a glass-shattering truth that forced me to reflect on my own life and how I or my wife could potentially be participating in the same practice.
Delivering an enriching and emotionally enthralling story, You Hurt My Feelings really digs into something quite profound in how it dissects the delicacy of trust in a relationship and how little white lies help sustain it. We go through the whole gauntlet of emotions in this feature with Beth as she must reconcile what this moment signifies in her life and the relationship she has with her husband and also her son. It allows for some excellent introspection as the colorful cast of characters displays how this looks in all facets of life culminating into something quite remarkable and worth celebrating.
Films with Josh 
