Review: Ted

Directed by: Seth MacFarlane

Written by: Seth MacFarlane, Alec Sulkin, Wellesley Wild

Starring: Mark Wahlberg, Mila Kunis, Seth MacFarlane, Joel McHale, Giovanni Ribisi

Rating: [2/5]

The idea of toys coming to life has been explored in a plethora of movies showing the advent of imagination and how it reigns supreme. Each of these films has this childlike wonderment to them, but Ted posits what would occur if this turned into a raunchy comedy where the toy has a sex drive like anyone else. While setting itself up as a fun premise, the juice runs out very quickly in this feature to a disappointing result. 

Without any real friends at a young age, John (Mark Wahlberg) wishes upon a shooting star and his new teddy bear comes alive, which aptly gets named Ted (Seth MacFarlane). Now a 35-year-old adult, John is in a committed relationship with a loving woman named Lori (Mila Kunis) but struggles to take the next necessary step because he does not want to sever his relationship with Ted. 

Stories about men growing up to the point of meeting up with a woman offering him the world have been done aplenty but none occur where the thing holding him back is a magical bear. All of these elements make this feature quite unique only in the presence of the bear and everything else involved with it mightily struggles in maintaining a coherent narrative that does not have nearly enough material for a feature-length film. This leaves the film trying to shoehorn these plot points together for something quite substandard. 

Broken into two parts where John needs to learn to move on in life from spending all of his time with Ted and then a later plot involving some bearnapping shows two distinct ideas that do not necessarily mesh together for something coherent. This occurs partly because Seth MacFarlane had no interest in delving deeper into the relationship between John and Ted, but rather focused on the humor of a talking bear and evidently even that runs thin outside what would make the appropriate length of a short film. It leaves for something quite dissatisfying as a whole, where once the laughs run out of a talking bear making sexual jokes it leaves not much to take with the film. 

At the center of this feature, the story focuses on John needing to grow up and stop hanging out with a bear as a way to avoid stepping up with the responsibilities he needs to take on. This appears in many other films with a fellow human friend but on this occasion we get to sub in the foul-mouthed bear. If one has the patience for yet another story where a successful and beautiful woman has to snap her boyfriend into shape and act like a grown-up and then perhaps the movie would work better but Mark Wahlberg just never quite sells the idea of what makes a lovably immature man. We have Wahlberg doing the same shtick as he usually does with his comedies but without the proper writing to give him the material to elevate his typical style. 

Then we get to the bear, who admittedly comes as a hilarious idea from the onset where it opens up the idea of a toy typically known to be given to children like the case with John but also grows up and has the same tendencies as a human being like sexual urges and the need. Definitely a novelty of this feature but nothing really gets delved deeper about it. Sure, having a scene with Lori and John coming home to Ted with a bunch of prostitutes makes for a good joke, but evidently it’s all the bear was good for. 

Setting up a good premise to kick things off Ted presents a funny bear but does nothing of real substance to it. The story then reverts to the simple tale of a shlubby boyfriend who needs to grow up and get his act together, would be fine if not for it being so incredibly basic in that regard. Its lack of material becomes evident with the third act development which carries no real substance or intrigue whatsoever. Certainly, a movie good for a few laughs when enjoying the novelty of the bear but once it wears off it leaves quite the basic film and one that has absolutely no staying power once the credits roll.